Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Good Bye 2013, and Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Ass

2013 was the worst year of my life.  The first quarter of the year was the heart wrenching experience of watching my father die.  He had cancer.  We knew he was going to die, but he thought we didn't know.  He didn't want us to know.  He wanted to live his final days as if nothing had changed.  It was difficult to watch him die while not being able to discuss his death with him.  He was a great man.  I miss him with all my heart.

Beginning near the end of 2012, I, and others, noticed that my wife was losing her mind.  At first we thought it was dementia. She thought she was fine, but it was obvious she was not.  I flew home from my job (I was commuting by airplane at that time) just to drag her to a doctor to have someone take a look at her.  The doctor also agreed that something was very wrong.  However, my wife refused the MRI of her head that they wanted .  She insisted she was fine, as she continued to decline.  By April of this year, she began lashing out at me as if responding to things I had not said nor done.  By July it was clear that she was hallucinating.  Her usual paranoia gave way to a completely delusional paranoia and she made endless insane accusations and threats. By August she was accusing me of "putting voices in the house."  I put together the pieces of information she left about - things she wrote on the mirror after taking a shower, things she posted on facebook, notes she left around the house, and comments from others that knew her.  She was possessed by a very elaborate delusion, hearing voices, seeing things that were not there, and directing her paranoia at my daughter and I.  In a sentence, she had become overtly schizophrenic.

I reached out to her family for help when it became clear that she would not willingly seek help for her mental illness.  Her family responded with nothing but denial.  I sent her home to El Salvador hoping they would get her treatment, but they did not.  She came back home.  I don't know what to do.

In July, due to my wife's obsession with putting carpet powder on the floors, our cat died of lung cancer.  We had urged her for years to stop putting the powder on the carpet, but she continued to do it no matter how hard we tried to stop her.  She would do it when we were not home.  Our beloved cat of many years coughed and coughed.  I took her to the vet.  She stopped eating.  X-Rays revealed her lung cancer.  One evening, she laid on the floor.  My daughter patted her and she began purring.  She continued purring when my daughter walked away for about 10 minutes.  When she returned, our beloved cat was dead.  My wife didn't care.  My daughter and I were distraught.

Because of my wife's mental illness, I had to leave my job and take a job closer to home.  I realize that things cannot work out.  There is only so much abuse I can take.  I now look forward to a future without a mate.  2013 was the worst year of my life.


Anonymous said...

Still as fucking crazy as ever. Drones are watching. Be alert. schooner.

StephenDeVoy said...

Here's a video for you, Schooner. BTW, you are on my bucket list... the very last item on the list. I see you.

Johnny Cash

StephenDeVoy said...